This is something I wrote and moved through last year. Exactly three years after my mother's death. With the anniversary of that day nearing, I am taking the time to go back and look at my feelings surrounding that trauma. Observing where I have continued to grow and let go. Where I have regressed and caused more pain. Acknowledging that there is a fine balance between letting go and pushing feelings away. Or holding on, yet not moving forward. How do we not forget? How do we stay connected? How do we find the balance?
In honor of you I sat in a Heart Connection Meditation. As I began to connect with you through this space I revisited and let of things I have several times before. I took responsibility for my reality as I create it. I filled the gaps in my heart with ideas of acceptance, renewal and progress. Thinking about where I have been and what I was doing exactly four years ago today, it really hasn't gotten any easier. I have accepted the way certain things work out. I understand that those things in life that challenge us only make us stronger… no matter how cliché that may sound… that is the truth for all of us. Most days I swallow the lumps that form in my throat. Not to push away any feelings of remorse, but to try to remain grateful for all that I have and all that was given to me through you, for the tiny bits of you I see in those you touched near to you, and smile in remembrance of what you left behind. Throw a few back for me today and give Dad a kiss.